Awesome Tuesday!!

Today Tuesday I woke up really crap as I had such a shit day yesterday. This will tell you why I had such a crap time……

I took last week off work as I was in loads of pain with my leg and yesterday I thought right enough is enough get yourself back to work.. take yourself off the painkillers as you need to be off these if you have any chance of running The Marathon! BAD MOVE!! But hey at least I have learnt from it…

I saw my boss on my return to work… unfortunately he asked the dreaded question.. how are you? Well I thought to myself I am feeling really f’ing crap I probably shouldn’t even be at work.. oh no.. That’s right I am not suppose to be in work as officially I am on annual leave but thought why waste a day… I don’t need it off.. I will ask for Wednesday off instead. So I put on a big smiley face and tell him I am really well thanks and it’s good to be back… I had to lose eye contact quickly, hoping that he wouldn’t see right through me…. But he said Are you really? Unfortunately I can’t lie to save my life so I had to say yeah I am fine but not really… then whoosh the floodgates opened…. This is so not what I needed this morning…. However, he was really really supportive and looked at ways as to how I could manage to remain at work and make things easier for me. Plus we discussed the fact that I still want to run the marathon and was supporting my decision as to whatever it was going to be… the more I talk about it the more I know I won’t be running it this year but I cannot quite get myself to fill in the form…. The worrying thing is I am actually thinking I can’t even cope being on my leg all day walking up and down the corridor and stairs and just by some small miracle if my leg is better… I WILL BE RUNNING THE MARATHON on 17.04.2011.

The day gets worst and worst….. friends are really supportive.. I am trying to put on this massive smiley face but I am not fooling anyone other than myself…. Anyone would think I was sponsored by Kleenex with the amount of crying I have been doing. I end up going back on my painkillers and keep thinking to myself by me taking these this is giving me false hope that there is that slim chance I will be running… hence why I took myself off them in the first place. However, by coming off them has made me realised that I really do need to go back to my doctors.

So today Tuesday the day I woke up…. I was feeling crap with a score of minus 5! Not a great start to the day I am thinking to myself. It’s one month since a met Stuart Amory…. And today was one of my first targets which was to complete a 4 minute plank… Mentally… I was thinking shit I don’t think I will be able to do this as Stu told me last week not to do plank training… but training and target day in my eyes are different.. so here I go!! 1 minute and I am solid…. 2 mins semi solid and thinking I am a little bored of this but it’s OK as I am watching a really awesome youtube video that is keeping me going… 2:30 mins and I am well and truly struggling but there is no way I am collapsing in a heap just yet… 3 mins 15 seconds… get in and I am defo in Mark’s hurtbox zone now…. 3:45 come on Gregory dig deep.. man-up you have 15 seconds left that’s all… 4 mins 5 seconds… get in I HAVE DONE IT!! This was a bit of a joke target that I set myself as I wanted to open Day 6 advent calendar from Stuart’s advent calendar challenge!! I don’t even eat the poxy chocolate as I am not eating any chocolate until at least 21 April! It was only suppose to be for 2 weeks but then I decided I would reward myself with Kirsty’s chocolates for completing my 20 mile run that I was due to take part in last weekend.. but obviously that didn’t happen!

So already my crappy day from -5 is going up!! I manage to get a doctor’s appointment with my own GP and OMG… someone is listening to me about my leg. Rather than just supplying me with more painkillers he is actually listening to what I have to say.. the history as to how it all started, about the various people I have seen and the advice that I have been given. I leave the surgery feeling 100% better although my leg isn’t and I am having another x-ray on my leg and have been referred for a MRI Scan… Once I actually know what is wrong with my leg I will be able to deal with it and move on etc. Oh and I have been signed off work for a week…. Active rest again as when I was at work I was doing too much.. oooppss.

Reality is sinking in more about not running the London Marathon this year but because I sometimes score between a 2-10.. I keep trying to kid myself…. Well it is only a 2 and if I have more 2’s then I will be able to run. I also think back to last year when I ran 32.75 miles…. I completed marathon miles and I was feeling great although I was very emotional thinking OMG did I really just run a marathon.. but it didn’t count as a major achievement to me as I have always wanted the London Marathon to be my first marathon as everyone rates this as the best marathon in the world. However, I stopped way to long to celebrate this achievement and my other dodgy leg started to cease up but there was no way I was giving up… one more lap and I would have run more than 30 miles which meant I would at least get a medal and a certificate for my efforts…. I put on a big brave face and ran?? Maybe that’s not quite the right word for my movement along the road… but I was plodding along… as soon as I turned the corner I was throwing up my guts and balling my eyes out.. but I had set myself a goal of achieving at least 30 miles and then I could give up and give myself a target for next year to complete the 50 miles.. Well the next 6 miles or so were awful… I could barley walk let alone run.. I had to physically lift my leg with the help of my shorts to be able to put one foot in front of the other… I kept telling myself that is all I have to do is put one foot in front of the other and I will get to the end. My sister comes out on the route looking for me with a friend as I had been ages… and I am like is Mum there? OK so now I panic thinking ooopppss she is not going to be impressed seeing me like this…. A couple more friends and my nephew joined me for the last mile of the run…. 2 and a half hours later I have finally ran those 6 and a bit miles and I am back at the start…. And I have no idea where the inner strength came from but I managed to turn the corner and run to the end! So I think well if I can do that I can do the marathon… however, a friend pointing out to me I was on a different starting level before I did that run whereas at the moment I am already going into with a pain score of 2-10.

So I phone Virgin Marathon and ask when is the last date that I can pull out of this year’s marathon….. the day before… Cool…. So nothing is finalised yet still haven’t filled in the withdrawal form but I know I will make the sensible decision now rather than thinking I am doing it 100%!

My day continues to get better as Make A Difference Trust who I am running the London Marathon for emailed me last week when I told them that I was injured and may not be able to run and they called me today to check that I was OK and not to worry etc but to look after my health. They have also offered me a place to run for them in the Royal Parks Half Marathon in October… This is just what I needed to hear as I now have a new goal to work towards.. although I am not 100% giving up on my marathon goal at the moment… This weekend I am suppose to be running Reading Half Marathon as another target goal that I set with Stu but again… I won’t be able to achieve this goal so now I am re-thinking my goals and have decided I am going to beat said target goal for The Royal Parks Half Marathon in October!! This is making me feel sooo much better already and making me edge more to pulling out of this year’s marathon… nearly there but not quite….

Oh and I have booked a holiday end of July! Something else to look forward to as well…

It’s amazing how you can turn around such a crap day into a really amazing one… score of -5 and now I am unable to score it as I just can’t seem to cap it at the moment as it is just getting better and better.